According to author Elizabeth Stone, a child is a mother’s heart walking around outside her body. There can be nothing worse than when that little piece of your heart starts to turn against you. How do you handle it when your daughter blames you for everything? 

Learning how to handle daughters who blame their mothers for everything is a challenge that many mothers face. Accusations and blame get thrown about carelessly, and eventually the relationship between mother and daughter is torn down to die in the ruins of emotional conflict. 

You probably wish you knew what set your (teenage or all grown up daughter) off that has made her suddenly hate you? You raised her with love and care, but now she’s kicking all that love back in your teeth.

Blame is a difficult concept to fully understand. You may know that it means to hold someone responsible for some perceived error or fault (whether that fault or error is real or not).

Young daughters, who haven’t yet fully developed their abstract reasoning faculties, may be more susceptible to falsely assigning blame (usually to their parents, but especially to their mother). 

Our feelings about a situation can also create more complications, and we assign blame without having any logical facts to support the negative feeling. So, your daughter hates you—her mother—because she is angry, and in an infantile twist, holds you responsible for her happiness (and so, in her eyes, you failed her).

When your daughter transfers the negative emotion about the situation to you, she ends up blaming you for things that you really aren’t responsible for.

The logic in that kind of escapes me! I’m sure you also blamed your mother at some stage in your life (even if you’ve forgotten or feel too ashamed to admit it). This messy emotional confusion is exactly what is happening to your daughter. 

Feeling angry, resentful, and negative, your daughter (whether pre-teen, teenager, or adult) can suddenly begin to blame you for everything she’s not ready to deal with.

What does this mean to you as a mother with a blameful daughter? She doesn’t hate you. She hates herself for situations and feelings she can’t yet process or deal with. You become her scapegoat. She can’t blame or fight the world, so she blames and fights you instead.

Remember, it’s not about you! It’s about her. So understand, have a conversation about it, give her support, and BREATHE!!

Let me guide you in navigating the challenges in your mother/daughter journey. Contact me today at jan4now125@gmail.com or (773-443-2058) and we will find the best path to having a more harmonious relationship!